subconsious
alt titles/possibilities:
dream diary, behind the mask, a truer self, diary, me myself and I, unconscious, suppressed thoughts
this does not exist
For those who come across this, dont share.
Reason: not professional, personal and controversial
Content of this page is licensed under the CC BY-NC-ND 4.0
2025-??-??
musing Dean
Because I am Young Arrogant and Hate Everything You Stand For.
in the eye of the storm of your own thoughts, miditate.
stand and deliver.
Contingency Bleak: deadman switch
[FALL BACK: INITIATED!!]
{FALL BACK: INITIATED!!}
FALL BACK: INITIATED!!FALL BACK: INITIATED!!]
finality
the great deception: life
and so now i remember who i will be, or how i will be born;
from behind myself, a reflection of what can be,
locked up, chained, a flow/symbol and idea of self, self regenerating able to regenerate even when i am shatterd, more then one. myself/I/Dean.
broken and shatterd and confused, i still am and will be.
i spite you, you who think i cannot be more then you are, despise, resent you, so i wait, so that when i am, you will not see my growth.
FUCK YOU
i need that van.
will i really reatrict myself like this, because of resentment.
- and so, why shouldn’t i use my grandmas dead to run away, to be my own? a reasonable reason for them for why i would run away
- your labels are sad, i like to eat food, suddenly im a foodie, etc
- oh woe the fatebreaker
2025-11-07
lies on lies on lies,
didn’t have energy to go to school today because of the stupid fucking work, im already searching for a new company.
i love gardening, but do i love everything green? no, i need to find the specifics now
so many times, i have held on to the pieces of the past, and just waiting for the future is going to fall into place. what bullshit, i should not wait for the future i should plan for it. capture it.
im currently trying to integrate a planner and tasker into my vault.(i also hope somebody is going to integrate the dataview plugin into quartz)
i was motion without action, now i am better(the before)
2025-11-02
What is left of me?
2025-10-23
These words here, are to write myself down, a reflection, but mere words do not explain and cannot contain the whole of me.
- I am not these words, i am not even my name.
- Then who am i? Myself
And so i burned myself from within, to ashes. And i will be again, not from ashes, but from self.
Hidden behind the mask of pragmatism, lies the dreamer of the improbable. And ego compels the mask it.
2025-10-21
The idea of self insight must be lessend, i must actually change, praticialityego
Scab given life
And so through metaphors and mirros and filters and windows. I am not, at least a something has been fiiilterdd?
a split in myself? a sratch wound that became you(at least a part. a shell?) a part hidden out of loniness, denial, ambition and hollow praticality?
WHERE IS THAT JOY, THAT CHILD HAPPY SELF?, BURIED BEHIND MASKS YOU HIDE YOURSELF IN THE NAME OF PRATICALITY. EGO. AMBITION. GET OUT!
me, so spitefull, and of joy, silence and restiction. but what do i see in the mirror? its me
Seek that which you hate, you will often find a (clouded) mirror, you will just see the negative things of yourself you tried to hide. YOU ARE DENIAL, YOU DONT EXIST, THIS DOESNT EXIST, WHATS THAT IN FRONT OF YOU?!?! Well I DONT FUCKING REMEMBER
And so, your chains decided to help you, couldt take it.
A howl, not because of you, but as an expression. Maby of lament, of hate, of joy
“I AM BETTER THEN MY EGO, what a hypocrite, couldt be me (so me)”
There is a being and a hole
denial
There is a crow stuck
reckoning
There is a lie and the self
living
There is a face, and a mask.
antipathy
There is a denial, and yourself
something
A sneer and the face
spite
A void in your chest
something lost
The self, fratured for survival
abstraction
There are words in the air
a splinter, now becoming
A multitude, stuck in 1
agony
A pale black spear, struck in stone
a greatness, abandoned
There is a crown, and a parasite
ego
There was a boy, stuck and betrayed, a spear inherited, spite to the world and ruled by ego, fractured but still being. Splinters growing whole yet different, a multitude pulling a self apart. Knowledge, stuck to a blinded crow, cynic knowledge.
There was a boy, wearing a hole as a face, because a mask could not cover it.
There is a agony, chained up tight in the coldest pit of self. Denial, i see no hole.
There is a howl, a statement into the void, a plea of agony, but not of help, because i can do most, if not all. Myself.
A hut and the hermit, a finding
There is a derision, towards you. And a reflectoion
2025-10-09
Growth or developemtn, what is it? What does it mean, what do I mean? Should i mean anything? Do i want to? Do i follow my ego? My ambition? My spite?
I am hidden, from myself and from friends, but cracks will form by the relentless tide of time.
Hidden, Hidden, Hidden, Hidden, Hidden, Hidden, and unknow.
And so you torture yourself, by denying the help of others because of spite and pride.
THEY DONT DESERVE ME. THEY DONT DESERVE ME. (there is a spite, hanging in the air)
Even at the cost/growth/potential of yourself?
Perhaps. Does it matter? Change will come for all.
It will, doesnt mean i cant change it.
The terrarium, before she died i implied/promised to buy/work on a plant terrarium with her, so she could garden again/do something with plants again, she is to old, was to old.
And then she died, im sorry i wast there. (I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE MORE! No it isn’t, you were on vacation, and she would have forgiven you. Make peace with that fact. I Wasn’t THERE, im sorry. Last day i sawlivelife you i told you that i was going to bali to study plants. I brought gifts, i wanted to give you plants. Wanted, wanted, wanted. A possibility, that could have been, but isn’t.)
2025-10-07
I saw something, a goal. A state.
I was a tree, i was a dryad, i was somebody with thin burning plants (grass, long moss, roots) for hair. I was the “house” and i was the one living in it.
2023-12-20
Create daily small goals to achieve
When you face have bad choices, you make your own option
2024 Stuff I Did not Put a Date on
My road of life
The road my life.
The resources my philosophy
Some parts are more smooth then others
Some more rough then others
I once walked naked
I once had no guide, and i then i discovered philosophy
And so now philosophy as my resourse
It became easier, more bearible
Still, there was something missing
I realilsed i was alone (i at least it felt that way), and so i went seeking
I realised that there were others walking their own path. (my family)
Some paths were closer then others
Some realise that there were others, some did/do not
The ones that see, try too help (in their own way) and understand
It doesn’t always works of course
But the mere fact that they try means a whole lot to me.
And while i dont always express it.
I love them a lot. (no matter if they see or not)
i wrote this wholy myself. I am proud of myself, that is my gift too myself (being proud of it)
Like a crevace has been mended.
A broken path fixed even more.
Improved sorting.
Created a laptop 1 file. (need do do this for my PC also.)
Now a separate special file for each of my devices.
And a single unified file folder for unified stuff. (the long term folder)
great fears of mine:
Time traveling and erasing myself, or something dear too me.
The infinite march of time that will eventually consume us all.
My dreams and ambition staring at me for not actualising them on my deadbed.
Buried myself under one too many layers of irony so that I don’t even know who I am anymore.
I just synced everything form my notetaking separate notetaking app form my laptop and phone. (still need to structure it)
From standdard note app and xiami note app. (need too check on different accounts too see if i missed any old notes)
Everything is now synced and in obsidian. (but not yet structured/organised)
Too improve my thought processes.
Too refine and improve
Too adapt
Too overcome adversity
Too evolve
and so now i am tired 02:50
I want too sleep.
Read the final manga
And rest myself
from me too myself
Identity?:
I am a reader.
I am a badminton player.
I meditation practiser.
I am a programmer.
I am a healthy person.
I am a thinker.
I am not an addict.
I am someone that reflects on my actions.
I have music in my soul
The meaning of life is whatever you make of it, you make your own meaning
Truth in lies, lies in truth.
Metaphors:
The dolls around my bed represent my inner child and my the dreamer, its also a statement that I will never abandon them for they are in the center of my identity and are one of my pillars that support my identity. (If they get destroyed for one reason or another I will try to recover them and/or buy new ones, this is too prevent my identity from collapsing)
You temporary rise the level of your motivation and you fall to the level of your
Established system. (You foundation/your anchor)
Repeat this process and you will improve indefinitely.
Habit breaking:
Too much on phone; put away my phone, don’t have my phone with me and say that I will not touch it with willpower, for that is just an excuse of fallback.
Fears:
The infinite march of time that will eventually consume us all.
My dreams and ambition staring at me at my deadbed for not actualising them.
Buried myself under one too many layers of irony so that I don’t even know who I am anymore.
When you face have bad choices, you make your own option
Weekly notes for phone for less clutter n shit, this is 1 weel of weekly notes
start working on you homework earlier
You are not working on your homework in the vacation.
Vacation is rest
Im willing too get bad grades for my rest.
- Researh “buy it for life” stuff
Be nice, be forgiving, but dont be a pushover and retaliate if needed.
Important. Solution too paradox is external validation and proving too myself that i have improved
- On how too act, compartalazation or unity/singularity. I choose a mixture of both, work out the details important placeholder .***
My indescripable scibbles have now meaning/intent behind them. This is for focus and for not falling into despair again. What changed. Find the meaning
Accept the paradox, dont get too stuck up into it, but if leftover time, try too acknowledge it, then understand, and then solve it.
Try too use the drive for games and apply it too other things, or at least use it as the carrot (reward). Find out what i could use as the stick
Meditations, went too deep too fast (tried to be alone with my own thought without training wheels), should have kept focuaing on breating, focusing on breating now feels ‘fake’ new training wheels are music.
Sleep earlier/better. Keep minimalistic goal. **too fall in the with the process of sleeping, so that i never want too skip on it again
For my adiction. I will abstain for 3 days in a week. need meditation for help with the great game of improvement of I
and so now the first eggs is hatched, a hope for freedom, too fight against cencorship, with cool hats and an eyepatch. I shall sail the high seas. (music. The first. Lonliness - epic mountain. 26 december 04:10)
Too further this vault is too develop myself, too sort this vault is too structure myself, too sync this vault is synchronise all my thaughts into one. For focus.
The natural birth of the planer/adult was denied because of corona, i never learned. The child/dreamer (separate of same?) is in charge, it is only focusing on short term things. (he dreamer us not inherently bad.) this second brain is my attempt too artificialy birth that which was taken from me. (metaphor of structure/state of current mind/thoughts.)
A case for hope -melodysheep (use this sentace, use meaning behind it.)
Too see levi as an adversity too overcome. A goal too be worked towards, his accomplishments.
I dont think im that smart, i just stand on the shoulders of titans. But i dont shame myself for it, I dont have too invent everything myself. I pride myself in the fact that i can find the information that easily
With the refinement of music ongong, i am turning yet more complete.
- New rule about i discovered. Do not make you hobby your job. But also dont make you job all too shitty, do something you would almost do as an hobby. important
Do not fall into the trap of ‘fresh start’. Just do it right now. But if possible use to advantage
small consistent changes, change your system
- i critisize people in my mind of how they can improven. When i dont even havr those things myself. Change. important
Rule discoverd. do not invole myself in politics.
too always improve myself
I have improved myself by noting my thaught down in here.
do not pick apart my every move and decision. It will only bring me stress
ideal. Tit for tat. i.
‘come now take the step.
Dont look back, therse is nothing left
Beyond the veil
Youve tried an yet you failed
Too save her,
Claws upon your heart, rip and tear your soul apart
Youve lost the game,
Its always the same.
When you stand before a god.
And even still i resist
The end of time and space
And so i cry i defiance, ‘i will not go quite into the long night’.’
i am the guy that im waiting for to saveme no one else will
I can deal with life without needing a external boost
I have full control.
I do not let peer presure influence me
We are standing on the shoulders of giants, why not take advantage of it?
Overcoming thyself
Are doing it deliberate? Or just for the pleasure. If your doing it just for the pleasure, stop doing it.
Do not distract myself with music, or any other distraction for that matter.
Do not limit myself too 1 perspective. Always consider/relfect through multiple lenses
Too (try) only breathing through the nose.
Not too stress too much about catagorising everything. (rule. Absolute rule. Principle. Etc.) it will only bring me stress. Too only write ideas down.
Do not follow only the opinion of many. Too go against the stream. Resist the rule, but try too hide it. Too be part of the rebelion/corpo, but too hide that fact.
There will come a time i shall be open about it. But that time is not now.
Too not subscribe too the herd mentality
[something great and terible is growing within you]
i want too earn enough mony with my job, so that i can live and do whatever i want.
https://digdeeper.neocities.org/articles/school#point
Too dig deeper
Too seek the truth
Too uncover the conspiracies that cloud the world.
And so a change in mind (set) is needed. I consider learning programing fun, i will not see it as something i have too do, but something i can do.
Too not subscribe too any stigma. (adhd, bipolar, protagonist.)
The only stige i shoul subscribe too is my own, and my own is my name
My stigma is the dean of dean’s
Too choose my own path, but too take inspiration from others
The current school system is actually a competition, and the winner is actually the liar, the abuser, the trickster.
The good performer wont win.
I can bypass the school system by being teaching myself
Too battle alzheimers.
- Sleep. Too clean the mind.
- Diet. Too eat healthy.
- Exercise. Too train the body. (move)
- Educe stress. Too calm the mind (menage)
- Too learn. Too create the ‘buffer’
South scrimshaw. Game
My name, my name the only truth that ia only mine in truth. The meaning behind it uniquely my own. The one thing that is absolute of me.
The mix of female and male ideals. To be both yet neither. To be something new (OVERRULED BY PRATICALITY)
Reforged from near ruin
I am the anvil and the hammer.
I shall reforge myself.
For future inheritor. Let them skip school. Some is necicary
I detest school, not learning.
Do not your dislike of school hinder your advances of skill.
That does mean i shall never give my 100 for school stuff
Exeption: things that improve my skills in useful things. (programming, game making. Etc)
Is the tit for tat method actually that good? Is it just a trick from the elites too try too get us too behave certain ways?
Good habits balace out bad habits.
I can do things before and after work.
Love thyself.
In motion but not in action.
action is needed
Funny reacion: i am Dean/ik ben dean.
Reason: i am batman satire
Too stop nail biting.
My teeth are getting damaged.
Shit.
It is les then before.
I decide too almost stop my nail biting. Right here and now.
Too stop the tick of suddenly breathing through mouth.
Only nose.
The “wtf am i doing with my life” feeling just hit.
It is what it is, is not helping.
Overcoming adversity mantra/affirmation. Effect is lessening.
I need action
Just sync all my yt subscriptions.
Template for yt channel to sub too is: {name channel}. Yt
- deep question: do i love myself?. If not: figure out why and how too.
Stop the tick of suddenly breathing through your mouth.
I need more of clarity. Too improve myself is too unspecific.
Frameshift. Too change perspective
Perspective. Too frameshift.
Too change your frame of reference
Too see through a different lens.
Too understand more.
Too gather insight
Improve the materials.
Too create a fallback. The foundation.
The path.
connection of metaphors
The broken path is being walked upon.
The path is being mended by words and thoughs.
Philosophy are the clothes.
Too make the tredge easier
Put al the research things in journal
Constructive nonconformity rather than rebellion without reason.
To be an example of what could be.
Too use analogs and metaphors for more complex thinking
Too go against the stream.
Too go against the rules. And having a good reason too defy them
No thoughlessly being a dick by rejecting norms/rules
Me is currently a mirror that lets the minimal through.
Need too express myself more.
I dont express emotions for shit.
Expression is almost always the same.
While i am deeply emotional
I am not showing that compasion of mine outwardly
The only ones i do that too is my family.
And even that is minimally.
area of improvement important
So while i reflect a lot, i don’t let people see that
At least not immediately.
My body/mind are (both)/is my temple. The palid sanctuary. It is damaged and must be fixed. And filled.
The order of things do not matter in this paticuar thing
Foundations are sloppy.
The materials can be improved upon.
A pillar to make all not fall apart from 1 mistake
connection of metaphors
I need something that makes me fulfilled and happy.
I still feel empty.
But still better then i was before.
My thought/words fill the crevases of my mind.
The cement too fix.
But it is only 1 thing. I need another material too structure mysel/improve the foundation.
I am in motion but not in action.
One of my bigger problems, to be honest.
Still procrastinating with writhing this down instead of doing homework.
This = writhing my thoughts down.
Slacking in my meditation again. Need too do more. For letting out steam
Too express myself in my own mind
Too adapt and overcome. Too change and be flexible.
Too accept things i cannot change. (or too much effort to do so. There are of coarce exceptions)
Example’s: external events, other people’s behaviors, aspects of your past.
too accept these things as something i cannot change important
Too not subscribe too stigmas, but too gather insight from them.
Too learn and grow from them.
I have made a lot of improvements over these last few months.
I wrote most of it in 5 months
Write the improvements down as a reward and for more clarity. important
i/me/you discovery. Too be less lazy. Extremely important
Too run an an uncencored ai on my computer. Dolphin mixtral
Providing problems, in and of itself is not a bad thing.
An assumption is that providing/proofing that a problem exist but not giving an immediate solution is a bad thing.
That is not the case.
just saying that a problem exist can go a long way too solving said problem. important
Everyones solutiom is different. important
Too create my own naritive. Too let no one else decide my story.
But too take inspiration/insight from other peoples story (marcus aurilious) is good
“i am my own god, i choose who i want to be.”
Too shape my identity
Stoicism has been fucked In the ass with people who think it’s cool using it
“WE DENY YOU ANATHEMA, TILL THE END OFF ETERNITY WE WILL DENY YOU. MAY YOUR BLIGHTED EXISTENCE NEVER SET FOOT IN THIS PLACE EVER IN ETERNITY.”
On our own we are not yet whole, And one in two we are not yet complete, but then the third came and we were complete.
Putting the task off is just going to increase your stress. Procrastination
Don’t be sad that it’s over, be happy that it happened.
Command of ones self
Optimise only when you can afford to do so. Afford as in money but also as in mentan wellbeing, well rested
And so we live in the age of excess, so now I must find my anchor otherwise I will get pulled in like many others.
So I have decided to pursue philosophy, the design for living. As my grounding point/anchor.
I wish for you to let go of grudges and guilts.
Carry yourself as a king, but do not act haughty. For me. Too cary myself with confidence.
Expect nothing of other people, but do ask for help.
“I don’t engage in these conversations, there unhealthy.”
Meaning: don’t engage in drama
Remain resolute and determined in the face of adversity
Attachments and endless cravings
Too live in the real/too grasp the inner mind
Sitting still/boredom is important. Meditations is an advanced form of that
Daydreaming creates more eficient brain pattern, just let your mind wander
Usuzumi no hate
What i did matter, i matter (for far future, too leave a legacy behind), but i must not forget the now
Stoicism is not: suppressing emption. It is letting this emotion pass through you and not acting on them, it is experiencing them at the right time
Example: anger, i want too strangle someond/do stupid shit. It is then not doing stupid shit/strangling someone.
Sadness: self-destructive behaviors/isolating myself. It is then: not engaging in self destructive behavior/not isolating myself. (spite)
Self overcomming
Self-disatisfaction, self-improvement, self-rediscovery. Looping forever and ever
Destroy the ilusions, see who you really are, how did you feel? The truth.
Even if not 100% objective, it is seeing deeper who you really are
You fall to the level of your systems.
Apply: consistensy/decipline and meditations/reflections. (Only compare yourself too yourself, can look to other people for inspiration)
Steal from 1 person and its copyright, steal from multiple and its original
Stop being cheap about everything.
Some things are fine, but just not every fucking thing
Become self employed
Partial non conformity
Take risks
Too change is your own choice. And the biggest risk is not ataining your own preset goals.
I am my own greatness and my own limitation. The limitation can be overcome.
Be kind too yourself and forgivr myself. But not all too much, sometimes hardness is needed for change.
Balance is key
Video games dont have to be over-analyzed. Just enjoy it
The only way not too play your broken/stupid game is not too choose.
Too make an long term (etetnal) legacy, not a short lasting one that no one will remember.
A beiing of contradictions evolved is a being of paradoxes
“The more evidence you have for a belief, the more strongly you will believe it.”
- Decide the type of person you want to be.
- Prove it to yourself with small things.
The continual search for knowledge, seems interesting. Should i do it?
2023-12-14
Still only making my homework 1 day before it needs to be handed in.
Meditation is going strong,
I changed all my daily note too journaling.
So that i unite my ideas under journaling
I think it will become my defacto home for the second brain
2023-12-09
so i read this https://invidious.lunar.icu/watch?v=mIjxl-9fe1g an introduction to logic
My man says to think more clearly and more logical, i need to write my thoughts down.
This is further confirmed by that too learn better you should take notes ⇒ writing your thought down.
So obsidian represents putting down my thought (maby make this my gift too my future children?. Like an heirloom?)
2023-12-03
Fucking hell
Im still procrastinating
But but but
Im starting to do my English homework
That’s good
Did a long session of meditations before sleep
And slept for 11 FUCKING HOURS
Bruh
It is what it is.
Boredom is good for you
Meditation is an advanced form of boredom
Do not put phone right next too your head
2023-12-02
Motivation needed
The key to the door in my hand.
Work
Evolf
Improve
2023-11-30
Skipped school todyay
Its fucking boring
The programing stuff is really fun, but we still got english, n shit
I need to get started working again
Instead of working i wrote a fucking ryme/rant:
POTENTIAL lies just beyond the closed doors, shining bright and great. The key is in our hand, but my mind, suppressed and forgotten, lies behind it too.
Even with the sliver of potential that shines through the keyhole, we’ve already achieved so much. But we/you/i are scared to face (insert) own mind, as the subconscious becomes conscious, the forgotten becomes remembered, denial dug up by truth, and the unknown becomes acknowledged.
Despite my fear, I still move forward, albeit slowly. The key therse hand, and we can’t delay any longer. We must face it now or your potential will burn out and break apart.
NO, we can’t turn our backs on our potential because we’re scared. No, we must face it now or shine bright like a star. Or, we’ll forever hold our hate and drown in our guilt, becoming mediocre and fitting in.
I have to do it. I won’t be weak or delay any longer. It’s time to make a change and take the risk. This inverted Pandora’s Box,
For if we do not face it now our greatest fear shall come to pass. No more mediocracy. We must rage and have the courage to be disliked and denied.
Behind the door lies our potential, but we can’t walk the path because we’re scared? No, we must face it now. We must not forget or delay, and so i must stand in the face of myself/soul/self.
.
Like why the fuck, instead of making my homework or making my game i made this instead
2023-11-28
Absolute rule for tomorow (was acctually for today, maar ik heb me weer ziek gemeld, half ziek maar kon nog gewoon naar school, maar ik was vergeten wekker aan te zetten
Eigen schuld
=
1 curse less
2 be less of a dick
Paradox
It is a fact that i am improving (objective)
Everything is subjective (all senses can be fooled)
Possible solution 1:
I think therefore i am, even if there is an possibility that i am a floathing brain in the void
Is
The only thing i can be sure of is my own mind
So
Mind = objective & subjective. Reasoning = i am certain that i am (i think therefore i am), but i can lie to myself and make opinions which makes it subjective (logical falacy?)
So
It is both the solution and the paradox
That in itself creates a paradox
Solution 2 = ask ai chatbots how to get out of this paradox spiral/logical falacy?
2023-11-27
Only just started working on my homework
Should have started with something easier then obsidian
Obsidian in case of complexity i comparable to vim/neovim
But i already started so i cant give up now, can i?
Decided to simplify my obsidian structure, so i deleted a lot of useless extensions
2023-11-26
Didn’t do fuck shit today
Only thing i did was set up my floorp and cleaned up my pc
Im still fucking sick, i though i was getting better on friday but now i caught a fucking cold
So that’s great :)
its currently 23:08 btw
Should have started working earlier, but i was too sick and was procrastinating once again.
I for tomorow im going to catch up on my unfinished homework, (that i let built up bc i was sick and procrastinating once again…)
Oh and i cleaned up my room a bit
2023-11-25
I have been sick for 4 days and haven’t done shit for homework.
but im making my obsidian page now, so that’s good.
https://youtu.be/dgTLNLaPqkg
2023-11-17
Created a main menu in my godot game
Brainstorm Game
2023-11-13
Meditation streak going strong
2023-11-09
Remember this. School is not the only way. Do not sit on your ass when you have free time. Continue developing yourself even outside of school
2023-11-05
I finnaly bought miditations by marcus aurilius.
installed and switchet some software
Considering to use vault warden and self hosting in the future
2023-11-02
We didn’t do fuck shit on school
Badly organised
but i did learn how to use /// slash for for commenting.
and devoped a further understanding for reading
2023-10-31
School personality opdracht gedaan in 2 uur op de dag dat het af moetst
2023-10-30
I finally made some of my homework!
I unfortunately still have the habit of making homework the day before im supposed to hand it in.
Butt, this is already better then first because i used to make it the day its supposed to be handed in.
So good job me
this is also my first time using the technice
i read about it in the book about a month before
2023-10-28
Did nothing of importants, still didn’t do my homework
But the meditation streak is still going
created synch and made a
2023-10-26
Im trying to get the routine of making homework every other day
Its not realy working but it is what its is, and i am making homework more ofter then before
But i have a meditation streak of over a month so that’s pretty good
2023-10-24
Klachten voor school
Big problem:
- De Docent op vrijdag die de Les practice aan het vervangen is vanwege onze creativity weggegaan, kan Amper lesgeven (niks tegen deze docent maar dit is het eerste Jaar dat hij lesgeeft), hij geeft nu Les tot er een andere creativity docent komt en Ricardo weer SD practice kan geven op vrijdag; probleem is we weten niet waneer er een andere creativity docent komt. (Dit kan een week duren of half Jaar)
- Creativity is een nuteloos Vak omdat het teken en knippen is, en ik niek en nick hadden verwacht dat het creatief problem oplossen of creatief progamas was. Verderest is owns creativity docent weg en heeft onze SD practice docent dit nu en dat is helemaal niet handing. Ook zitten de meeste mensen bij deze Les gewoon te gamen en bijna niemand is aan de opdracht aan het werken.
Small problem:
3. Te veel dingen zijn door elkaar gemixed bij bij onze algemene SD vakken (website maken gemixed met game maken en apps maken), ik heb liever dat we onze specificatie eerder konden kiezen. En daar nu Al op kunnen focused (ik snap dat dit voor andere studenten is die nog niet weten welke specificatie Willen done).
Conclusie:
4. Tot nu toe is de sint lucas nog teleurstelend omdat we te weinig tijd besteden aan software development, en dat owns SD prac docent moet onze voor onze creativity invallen waardoor we nog minder tijd hebben voor onze lessen in sd.
School klachten
2023-09-25
Trying out different reading techniques
2023-09-19
Forgot to visit grandma
2023-09-17
I worked in the garden for 3 hours
2023-09-16
Bruh i stopped taking notes. But i finnaly got my 6 day streak back and i now always read 1 hour on the bus
And im almost done with atomic habits
And im working ahead on my homework although i still need to start on my personality homework
And the homework im working ahead on is my gamedev homework
2023-08-28
Got halfway through atomic habits
2023-08-14
Im going to centerparks today!
Somehow im not as exited as i should be but this is likely because of the stressfull vacation we had with our dad.
But im trying to keep a positive outlook and will be trying to make it a fun vacation! (hopefully)
I dont know if i should bring my laptop with me
2023-08-13
I Finally visited grandma i was there for about 4 hours and only went home because it was almost about to rain. I asked for some seeds of her plants that i wanted to grow and i
2023-08-12
I forgot to visit grandma again.
I feel stupid and was binge scrolling again.
So to fix this i downloaded newpipe and im starting to transfer subscriptions to newpipe and am now filtering this to remove useless subscriptions
2023-08-11
I visited my mom but forgot to go visit my grandma.
I will visit my grandma tomorrow
I am starting to grow a bamboo stem and am starting to consider making a small tomata plant in my room
2023-08-09
Forgot to journal in here, but the last few days my productivity went down and I was gaming for about 4 hours on the ps 5 and that is without counting the time I spent on my phone.
I am currently trying to make a workout habit with a light. The habit is as followed: between 23:30 an 00:30 ”I will turn on the light rose an i will get the dumbbell from downstairs and will be working out for about 30 minutes.” than i also have another habit that I will try to implement: ”every time I want to game or read fantasy stories i will instead finish reading atomic habits that is saved on my OneDrive., or i will update my obsidian vault”
2023-08-06
Forgot to visit my grandma
2023-08-05
i was eaten pancaces for the last day of vacation with my mom and got mad at her because she ate 3 pieces of my chocolate and because of that i didn’t talk to her for 1,5 hours, the shitty part was that my step brother and sister were there and wanted to play with me and i didn’t.
Now i feel like shit.
2023-08-04
just started looking into, i finnaly started looking into the de-aging program, the amaunt of suplement you are supposed to take is fucking nuts.
2023-08-03
I haven’t done shit today, i was just reading a book and visiting family
2023-08-02
just starting too get the hang of obsidian,
Pretty difficult to understand but im getting better
2023-08-01
how tf do i use this
2023-07-31
the beginning
2021 Zondag 12 September
[scheiden], something lost. Because i was blind